Why?

I have been working through a weight loss workbook. One of the questions posed was, "Why did you start?" I have thought about it for a full 24 hours and still don't have an exact answer.  I remember my first attempt at weight loss was when I was six. I remember another attempt at eight. I am guessing those attempts were to be more like my little friends. In high school I made another attempt. That one was probably again more for vanity and to avoid being teased at school.  I didn't seriously attempt weight loss again until a few months before our wedding.  Even then, I only vaguely remember thinking that all brides try to lose weight before their wedding. It was as common as getting a tan, having your hair done, etc.  So, I lost 20 pounds. 
Somewhere during that initial phase of losing 20 pounds, my husband's grandfather was on his death bed. He had lost his wife a few years earlier and thought (rightly so) that many of her health issues were weight related.  I promised him days before he died that I would do everything I could to improve my health and my husband's.  Grandpa didn't want our hearts to feel the heartbreak his had. The promise I made him has been a factor that has fit into the equation ever since.
I thinking the "why" behind my weight loss is just as much about that questionn as it is about the "why not". I don't really see any negative impact from losing weight.  I guess the worst part has been having to buy new clothes. You have to buy new clothes periodically anyway though, so it might as well be a smaller size. I don't notice an impact on our grocery bill.  The cost to eat healthy has cost about the same as what it cost us to eat junk food.  I would like to mention that I think weight loss is like an insurance policy of sorts.  I am making an investment now, that in the future will reap many benefits. For example, I pay a monthly fee for my weight loss program.  Someone asked me if I minded spending as much as I do. No, of course I don't. Even if it costs me $1 a day, that would be roughly $365. A single trip to the doctor for an obesity related illness is going to cost more than that. Surgery? Yeah, that will cost triple (with good insurance). 
So I guess the answer to my why is another question, "Why not?"

Define Me...

I have long believed that there was a large amount of discrimination based on weight. I had this confirmed by a very close friend once who shared with me, “Before I met you, I thought all overweight people were lazy and shy.”  Sure, I was flattered that I helped personify the fact I can be active, outgoing, and far from a size two.  On the other hand, I thought, “Wow, if this is my best friend who thinks this way, imagine what people who haven’t gotten to know me must think!”  To some extent I find myself compensating for this by sharing with people who are threatening or even seem super fit, what I am doing to be fit, healthy, and everything but lazy. I have even wondered before if I was passed up for jobs because of my weight.  Not that I applied to work at a health club or anything, but in general I could be a threat to an insurance company or cost a small employer more money in theory if I had obesity related health issues.  Even though these ideas crossed my mind, I was still shocked by a scenario at work.

My position involves helping students learn to interview well, build their resumes, and find jobs in the work force.  Part of this experience involves an internship.  Recently, an employer interviewed and hired a non-paid intern.  A week in to the internship we received a phone call that they did not want to continue the internship. Why? Because they didn’t feel the person’s fitness level and outward appearance personified health.  This was a medical office. The student was going to be there for about one month.  They could not handle one month of someone who is overweight, not even obese, working in their front office.

I felt a quick jab to my heart and wrench in my stomach. Part of me wanted to swoop in and save the beautiful young lady from whatever hurt she might be caused.  Then, rage set it in. I wanted to storm in and correct their thought process. Finally, I accepted that this time of discrimination is part of the world we live in. I am not doing anyone any favors by protecting them from the world.  I did make a mental note to never ever ever ever ever ever (okay you get it, never ever) step foot in that clinic or send a student there again. 

In an odd way, this motivated me.  My obesity does not define who I am. It’s just like any other medical condition. You would not refer to a friend as “the diabetic” or “the cripple” because they are more than a disease, they are a human being.  I am who I am and part of that means I deal with eating and weight issues on the side.  I’m not going to be defined by a number on the scale. I am going to be defined by my compassion, zest for life, and outgoing personality.  I am going to be a wife, sister, aunt, daughter, and friend. I am going to be me.  Part of being me and wanting to be my very best self includes working toward a healthier lifestyle, but that will not define me.  It will motivate me. It will push me to conquer barriers, jump over hurdles, and come out on the other side victorious in the war against obesity! I, my friends, will be defined by MY success!