Ground Zero

I’ve thought about starting this blog for a couple years.  Up until yesterday I worked at a job that consumed 60+ hours a week.  I was often on the road and had business meetings with little control over the menu.  I had control over the portions and my emotions, but not all of the menu items.  Despite this chaos, I have managed to lose a considerable amount of weight.  Tomorrow, I start a new journey in my career.   This journey should provide me with more time.  What a better way to ring in a new chapter than by writing one? Welcome to my new blog.

I mentioned that I have lost a considerable amount of weight.  What does that mean? It depends on your perspective. If you have ten pounds to lose, you will think I have practically climbed Mount Everest. If you have 200 pounds to lose, you will chuckle and say, “That’s cute.”  From my perspective, I started this journey with 149 pounds to wash away off my 318 pounds body before I moved into the “normal” range for my body mass index or bmi. Yes, I am 5’9”.  I have lost almost 65 pounds.  Really, my ground zero was 318 pounds. That moment where things could get worse health wise, but I had an opportunity to rebuild.

How? What was my secret? What did I do to defy all odds to find a little success? That’s an answer you already know.  I stuck with a program that fits for me.  I am not exactly sure when this journey “began”.  All I know is this is a journey without a specific destination.  I just want to continue to better me. I remember the first time someone commented on my weight I was six years old.  A mother of another obese kindergartner commented on the fact I looked like I had lost some weight.  I responded with grace, “I cut out some snacks.” Wow. Reflecting on that moment, I am shocked the whole transaction took place.  Later, my step-grandparents came to visit. They were home all day while my sister and I were at school.  After school we were able to eat a snack.  They offered me cash if I went the whole week without a snack.  I believe part of the deal was I had to keep the transaction a secret, but I have a big mouth (no pun intended) and told my dad.  He was upset.  A few days later there was a large disagreement and the step grandparents have not really been a major factor in my life since then. I think I was somewhere around nine years old. At 13 I attended TOPS meetings with my parents for a short time. I was playing volleyball and managed to lose a little weight, but that was short lived.  In high school I decided to join Weight Watchers, but was not the one buying groceries, preparing the food, or planning the school lunch menu.  I was also surrounded by women two or three times my age.  I didn’t last long there either.  Finally, I moved out of the house and went to college.  I’m not sure at what point I hit my highest weight.  I’d guess it was shortly after I met my husband.

When I met my husband I was in my senior year of college. I was working a 40 plus hour a week job, going to school, doing an internship, and had an eight hour a week job on top of that.  I lived with someone who was so in to food they went to work for a catering company.  I often ate McDonalds for breakfast, might skip lunch, and eat supper from another fast food chain. My now husband worked a 3pm- 11pm job at the time. When he got off work, we would go eat buffalo wings together or get food from Taco Bell. We were dating on top of this, so would eat out for a “real” dinner once or twice a week on top of this.  Surprising that the scale weighed me in at over 300 pounds, isn’t it? Oh, it’s not. That’s right.  Those portions and calories are astronomical!

After my husband proposed, I graduated college, and realized my wedding was in three months, I got serious about weight loss. I lost 20 pounds before my wedding. Enough to move me under the 300 pound mark.  I maintained fairly well for the next few years, even after I quit following the program I was doing.  A couple years later I embarked on a new weight loss adventure. I kept off roughly the same 20 pounds and was ready to get down even further.  I went to a center that focused on high protein, eating off a list of whole foods, and supplementing with “high nutrient supplements”.  I managed to lose another 40 pounds.  I had two major surgeries and gained the weight back in just a few weeks! I coasted at this weight for a while before going to Weight Watchers.  I once again lost about 30 pounds before I went through In Vitro Fertilization and was pregnant.  Soon after I had a miscarriage. I had prepared myself to hear I was pregnant or not pregnant.  When I found out I was pregnant, I was on top of the moon.  I was thrilled. Words cannot describe how happy I was at that time.  Shortly after, I had a miscarriage.  I was sad. I was hurt. I was cold to the world around me. In fact, I don’t have much memory of what happened during about a four month period of time.  It wasn’t until I met with my fertility doctor again on the way to be a bridesmaid in my best friend’s wedding that my memory really starts again.  When I decided I was ready to pursue weight loss again, I knew this had to be the last time.  I once again weighed in at just over 300 pounds.

That was over a year ago. I have attended Weight Watcher’s meeting every since.  I know that being on this plan, maintaining this lifestyle, will be a part of me for the rest of my life.  This is not the dreaded, “d” word of diet.  This is my life.  When I thought about what plan I wanted to do, I realized that for me, I was happiest on this program.  This was the program I could do forever and ever.  I have lost my weight slower than a lot of people at the meeting, but it’s not a race.  I’m now smaller than I was when I graduated high school, got married, and became an aunt.  I’ve known for a few years I have a metabolic disorder.  I’m not defined by it. I’m not defined by the weight I carry. I’m defined by my strength and perseverance.